IT’S NOT FAIR!!! This is a phrase we have all used at one time or other in our lives. Depending on the situation this phrase is absolutely true, but the bottom line is that life is not fair. There are no guarantee’s of equality and justice in this world. Although God did create man and woman as equals, and planned for equality for all, that all ended when sin entered the world. It’s because of sin that life is not fair. This is why no matter how hard we try, we don’t always win or get what we want. It’s how evil men end up running governments and powerful organizations. Even though life isn’t always fair, here are some ways to break through those walls and come out victorious! Check out my YouTube video here.
When life feels unfair:
So you didn’t get the promotion you were perfect for, or the job offer fell through. Firstly, you need to allow yourself to feel the disappointment. It’s ok to feel life is unfair, as long as we don’t fall through the rabbit hole to victimhood. Go ahead and feel all the emotions tied to the situation. Better yet, write them down on a piece of paper so you can analyze them and see how valid they actually are. Once you have it on paper it will be out of your head so you can stop thinking about it. You will quickly realize that some of those thoughts simply aren’t true. In fact, you will see how ridiculous they are and eliminate them from further thought.
Is that thought valid?
Now you can dive in and consider those that do seem valid. Ask yourself, “what makes these seem valid?” or “is there a more helpful way to look at this?” As real as something may feel, it isn’t aways a helpful way to think about it. God gave us incredibly complex brains that allow us to change our minds at any given moment. Use that gift to neutralize your feelings, and come up with a better way to look at it. Working through frustrating situations with this method, will help you maintain a constructive mindset that keeps you from sinking into victimhood.
For Example:
- A workmate gets chosen over you for a project you really wanted.
- Thought: “It’s not fair I never get the projects I want.”
- Vent: spend 15 minutes venting on paper all the emotions you are feeling and the accompanying thoughts.
- Analyze your thought: “I never get the projects I want.” – is that true, have you never actually worked on a project you wanted? How often do you get projects you want? Was your plate already full, and your boss didn’t want to add more? Was there someone else with more experience or more time for that project?
- Neutralize the thought: “I may not like the decision, but it’s not the end of the world.”
- Reframe the thought: “I have a lot on my plate right now, and I’ll get the next one.” “My coworker just finished a big project, so it makes sense that it was given to them.” “This decision is not a reflection on me, but one that balances everyone’s work load.
- Congratulations, you have now worked your way out of a victim mindset and are ready for your next opportunity!
Benefits of feeling it’s not fair:
- Finding your Passion
- Advocating For Yourself
- Changing Your Path
Finding Your Passion:
Believe it or not, there are benefits to going through the emotions of feeling that it’s not fair. One of the major benefits is finding out what you are passionate about. When you realize what you are passionate about, you can then start investigating what you can do to improve that situation. For example, politics, animal rights, freedom of: speech, conscious, religion, and association. You can then join groups or write to your congressman or member of parliament to let them know how you feel so they can fight for you in the government. You could write articles and send them to local newspapers, magazines, or news outlets to get them printed on a larger scale. Similarly, you could start a YouTube channel or podcast to get your voice out to a larger audience.
If you are financially blessed, you could also donate money to groups that are already pursuing what you are passionate about. When you start taking action, you stop feeling like a victim because you are actually doing something. This gives you a feeling of importance and control back, thus shattering the victim mindset for good.
Advocating For Yourself:
Subsequently, another benefit is advocating for yourself. Let’s say you go through the example above and you realize that you actually do get passed over for the projects you wanted. Now’s the time to find out why that is. This means having the difficult conversation with your manager and find out why you keep getting passed over. Maybe your manager didn’t know how badly you wanted it. Perhaps there is some training you could complete to get these projects in the future?
Asking your boss what you would need to do to get that next promotion radiates confidence, in that it shows them you are ready for more. It also shows them your commitment to the company and moving up the ladder. Not much is given to us freely these days. We need to get outside our comfort zones, and advocate for what we want in order to stand out. When advocating for yourself state your concerns in a calm and friendly manner. Be ready to listen, and take time to absorb the feedback before answering. If that means a follow up appointment, then arrange it. A good boss will appreciate your feedback too.
Changing Your Path:
Sometimes even in advocating for ourselves, we still don’t get what we want. This is when it’s time to consider changing your path. Your employer is not the only one out there. Do some journaling about what you are passionate about, and places where you can pursue that. Start applying to companies that you feel would be a great fit. Soon you will have the job of your dreams, in an environment that will support you.
This change in path may also involve going back to school to retrain. This is not as scary as it sounds. There are so many options from in person classes to on-line. You can go part time or full time, whichever fits your lifestyle best. I am in the process of going back to College to get my Master’s in Christian Counselling. It wasn’t something that was even on my radar 10 years ago, but with my background, life experience, and promptings from God, it makes perfect sense. I’m currently in the state of excitement and nervousness about what September will hold, but I know it’s going to be great!
In Conclusion:
“It’s not fair” perfectly describes our current experience on earth. It’s what we do with the situation that makes all the difference. Descending into a victim mindset doesn’t help anyone, it only holds you back. So the next time you find yourself screaming “It’s Not Fair,” at the top of your lungs, take the time to explore those feelings and what you want to do to change them. The great news is that you have a lot more power than you think you have. Use the powerful mind God gave you to reframe those thoughts, neutralize them, and then decide what you want to do next. It’s that decision that will change your life!
If you would like more information or help with this, reach out to me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca and I’ll be happy to help.
As a natural encourager, I live to help others!!! One-on-one coaching is a great way to start building your confidence, and improve your health! I am now a certified Neurodiversity Coach, and strive to help people integrate better into society and thrive in all aspects of their life! I also help people with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness manage their symptoms with ease, so they never feel held back again! Click here for an application form and I would be happy to help you in your journey. Subscribe to my weekly newsletter by clicking here. You can also contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca or check out my website: www.nopainallgain.ca
