Need a quick way to stop anxiety?
The power of So What?
When my my anxiety starts to rear it’s ugly head, I have found a simple phrase that stop’s it in it’s tracks. What is this miracle phrase you may ask? “So what?”. That question stops the spiral so I can look at the situation objectively and re-frame it for a better outcome.
Is it really that simple?
Yes, it’s really that simple. Your anxiety spirals out of control because as you continue to allow that thought unchecked, it grows. It grows until it’s so huge and dark that you can’t see anything else. Before you know it, your heart is racing and pounding hard in your chest. Your heart rate rises and you think your going to throw up. Everything starts to look like a threat to your very existence. All you want to do is run home and hide.
Sound familiar?
If this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone. I would experience these episodes on a regular basis, hastily reaching for my meds. Then I discovered through my mentor Trish Blackwell the simple phrase, “so what?” The power in this phrase comes from it’s ability to stop your thoughts in their tracks. Once you stop the spiral, you can then start reasoning your way back out. Truly ask yourself, so what?
So what if that awful thing happened to me? What would I do? Will it really kill me? What is the likelihood that it would actually happen? These questions start the brain down a more reasonable track of self reflection. First of all, the likelihood of it happening is very slim. My grandfather had the gift of crossing a bridge a hundred times before he went over it. I inherited that gift from him. My brain will come up with every possible contingency that may or may not occur for any given situation. Yes, that could be a good thing if a calamity did happen, but 98% of the time it doesn’t. So in the meantime, I’ve stressed myself out completely and the disaster I prepared for never materialized.
Secondly, will the situation actually kill me if it did happen? 99% of the time the answer is no. It won’t kill me. It might embarrass me, it may make me feel bad, but it won’t kill me. The good thing about not dying, is that you can always fix whatever is wrong. You can always talk it through or try it from a different angle. When your mind realizes that it is not a fight or flight situation, your adrenaline will decrease and you can start thinking clearly again. You will quickly realize that you are still in control.
New questions to get you out of anxiety.
Then you can ask yourself questions like, “If it does happen, what will I do?”, “How will I respond to de-escalate the situation?”, “How do I want to show up in this situation?”. These questions will help you take control of your mind and give it something productive to do. The brain just wants to help keep you safe, now you’re giving it the chance to be the hero! For starters the “What will I do?” question will give you options like, leaving the conversation or standing up for yourself. Next you can decide on how you want to respond.
Most people don’t like conflict, so de-escalating the situation is always appreciated. Decide how you want to show up. Do you want to be calm and cool? Then decide how you want to respond in advance. We may not have control over situations that arise in our life, but we do have control over how we respond. If words tend to fail you during conflict, then be confident in the knowledge that it’s ok to walk away. You can always email, text or call them later once you have the words you need to express yourself in a calm and cool manner. A simple, “We’ll talk later,” is all you need to say.
What is re-framing?
So what is re-framing? Re-framing is taking a negative thought and changing it into a more neutral or positive thought. You always get to choose how you look at life. Do you want to look at life through the lens of anxiety or positive assurance? The Bible says “Do not fear” 365 times, that’s a reminder for every day of the year! If God doesn’t want us to live in fear, why are we choosing to view life through the lens of anxiety? By re-framing we can tell the brain that the situation is not as it appears and that there are other ways to look at it.
For example:
Anxious thought: “I can’t go to the meeting, they’re going to ask a question I can’t answer!!!”
Re-framed thought “I will go to the meeting, and if they ask a question that I don’t know the answer to I will tell them that I will get back to them.”
The re-framed thought doesn’t deny that they may ask a question you don’t know the answer to, but it gives you the option that you can find the answer and report back to them later. Thus the anxiety of not knowing the answer in that moment is removed. In doing this you have taken a negative, anxiety provoking thought and turned it into a power statement for moving forward.
In conclusion
Anxiety doesn’t need to control your life anymore. By having the quick reply “So What?” at your disposal, you can train your brain to stop the spiral immediately. Then you can work on a re-frame that allows you the peace of mind to move forward with your day! The best part of using this technique is that I’m no longer on any medication for my anxiety, and I know you can do it too!
One-on-one coaching is a great way to start building your confidence, and improve your health! I offer confidence coaching, health & lifestyle coaching, and exercise coaching. Click here for an application form and I would be happy to help you in your journey. You can also contact me at acgamero16@gmail.com or check out my website: www.nopainallgain.ca
