Feeling Judged
We have all had the uncomfortable and stressful experience of being judged. During the worst period of my depression, being judged kept me from leaving the house, and even led me to leave social situations in a hurry. Feeling judged has everything to do with over caring about what people think and will say to us. Therefore, being able to stop caring what people think about us is paramount to ending the effects of being judged. Here are my top 5 practical tips on how to stop caring what people think, so you can stopped feeling judged today.
Top 5 Tips To Stop Feeling Judged
- Take Back Your Power
- Journal
- Reframe Your Thoughts
- Affirmations
- Know and Accept Who You Are In God’s Eyes
Take Back Your Power
When you feel judged, it’s usually because you feel someone is better than you, or you put too much value in what they think and say about you. Of course, in a work or school situation, what your manager or teacher thinks about you and your work may have long reaching consequences. That doesn’t mean that we need to put so much value on their opinion of us, that it effects everything we do. What they think is just their opinion and it’s just as valid as yours.
When you put in the work and do your best, your work will speak for itself. You can always take it to someone else who may have a completely different opinion. See any criticism of your work as an opportunity to grow. When they give you suggestions ask yourself, “Is this true, or is it not?” If it’s true, you can then revise your work and make changes to how you do things. If it’s not true, then you can point out why you disagree, and then move on.
The important thing to do is to recognize and decide that you are just as valuable as they are, no matter their position. You get to decide how you will handle being judged. Are you going to see it as a way to improve, or something that devastates you? You have the choice to accept their correction, or to dismiss it. A simple phrase like, “Thank you for your suggestions, I will take them into consideration.” is sometimes all that is needed. This will give you the time to really consider what is being said, and decide if it’s something you need to act on or not.
Journaling
Journaling is the best way to understand why you do what you do, and then work on changing those habits and thoughts. When you are feeling judged, take the time to ask yourself some deep questions about why it’s affecting you way it is and what you want to do about it. Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- Why am I feeling this way?
- Why does their opinion matter so much to me?
- Are their statements true or not?
- What am I making their statements mean?
- Do they really deserve to have so much power over me?
- What will really happen if I don’t accept their suggestions/thoughts about me?
- How do I want to respond to this in the future?
- Am I going to allow their voice to harm me or prevent me from being who God created me to be?
- What’s the worst thing that can happen if they are judging me?
Your answers to the questions above will vary for each situation, but they will help you get to the bottom of why you are attaching so much importance to their opinions. It really doesn’t matter what others think about you, as you can’t change what they are thinking anyway. Subsequently, all you can do is change how you respond to them. Leaving a party because you don’t want to be judged by someone is only hurting your chance to have fun with your friends. Asking yourself why you are giving them the power to effect you that way, will go a long way to stopping you from giving your power away.
Reframe Your Thoughts
Once you have done a brain dump of all the thoughts you have had about the encounter on paper, you can then start to look at those thoughts and decide if they are true or not. Some thoughts you will easily be able to identify as false, and simply remove them. Crossing them off is really freeing and empowering. Then look at the ones you think may be true. Even if they seem true, ask yourself if they are helpful. If they are negative in any way, they are not helpful. This is where you can reframe them into something more neutral and even helpful.
For Example:
Your Spouse says, “Is that what you’re wearing?”
Your first panicked response could be, “Is it horrible? I’ll go change immediately.”
Or it could be, “Yes, I feel really comfortable in it. What don’t you like about it?”
Depending on their response, you can decide if their comment is based on something factual you would like to change, or if their comment is simply a personal preference.
Then you can respond, “Thanks for your input, but I like this outfit as I really feel comfortable in it. Let’s go.”
Asking them to clarify why they said what they did can save several hours of wondering what they were thinking. In the end you can’t change what someone is thinking only your response, but by asking for more clarification you stop the judgement spiral before it starts. In the end it doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what you think. Your opinion is just as valid as theirs, so take ownership of that.
Affirmations:
Affirmations are positive statements that you come up with in advance to help you believe something new, or answer back to negative thoughts you are trying to remove. Having some of these ready for your more common negative thoughts is essential to building your self esteem and confidence levels. Here are some affirmations you may find helpful:
- They may think that about me, but I’m not going to allow that to stop me and I’m going to enjoy proving them wrong!
- Even if they are judging me, it’s only their opinion and that doesn’t effect me anymore.
- Even if they are judging me, it doesn’t mean they will stop loving me.
- My opinion is just as valid as theirs, so it’s ok if I disagree.
- My contributions in this world are changing lives, so I will continue doing what I’m doing.
- I am a child of God, and as long as I stand for Him, no one can stand against me.
- We are all equal in the eyes of God, and I am taking my power back!
- So what if they are judging me? It’s not going to kill me, so let them think what they want.
- God has great plans for me, so I’m not going to let their small mindedness hold me back.
- They are in charge of their lives, and I’m in charge of mine.
- This is not the only job out there for me, if they don’t appreciate what I bring to the company I will find somewhere that does.
Feel free to adapt these phrases in any way that works best for you. The best thing about affirmations is that the more you use them, the more natural they become! Before long the negative anxious thoughts will become quieter and less frequent. Affirmations are free, and can be adjusted as needed. They are so effective, they are also called Power Statements. If you would like help creating some affirmations/power statements for your situation, contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca, and I’ll be happy to help!
Know And Accept Who You Are In God’s Eyes
Whether you are a Christian or not, knowing who you are in God’s eyes is revolutionary! I’ve been a Christian all my life, but somehow I hadn’t accepted who I was in God’s eyes. The bible says:
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:11
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 1 Peter 2:9
I will praise You, for [a]I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalms 139:14
The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, Romans 8:16, Jeremiah 29:11
In the Garden of Eden, Jesus created us as the crowning glory of God’s creation, in the very image of God. You were created in the image of God, let that sink in. You are God’s crowning glory, let that sink in. Everyone on the earth, whether they want to accept or not, is a child of God. They have their whole lives to decide if they want to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour, and to embrace the eternal life He offers when He comes again. That means we are all equal in the sight of God. Our opinions are all equally valid. Once you decide to accept that fact and take your power back, you will experience a freedom beyond imagination!
In Conclusion
So don’t allow someone else’s opinion of you to stop you from living your life to the fullest. It doesn’t matter what they think; it matters what you think, and what God thinks. So decide today to stop worrying about what other people think about you; they don’t deserve that kind of power over you. I have come a long way from the people pleaser I once was. While I still want to make people happy as far as I’m able, I don’t let their opinion of me stop me from living my life. I wish the same for you; so if you would like help in not caring what people think, reach out to me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca and I’ll be happy to chat with you.
As a natural encourager, I live to help others!!! One-on-one coaching is a great way to start building your confidence, and improve your health! I help people with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness manage their symptoms with ease, so they never feel held back again! Click here for an application form and I would be happy to help you in your journey. You can also contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca or check out my website: www.nopainallgain.ca
