Just ask – the results are worth it! The response I received from asking for reference letters to get my Masters blew me away! There were two people that popped into my mind when I read the reference requirements. My mind quickly dismissed the possibility that they would have the time or willingness to say yes. I swallowed my pride and I asked them anyway. To my great surprise and delight they both said YES!!!
To say I was thrilled would be an understatement! I often tell my kids that “you get zero percent of the things you don’t ask for.” So why was this so surprising to me? Read on to find out why asking is always the best course.
Why don’t we just ask for help?
For some reason our culture makes us think asking for help is a sign of weakness. I’m not sure if it’s the super hero movies, or just a nasty teacher from school that made us feel this way. I know that from an early age I was very happy to raise my hand if I knew the answer, but never to ask a question. If I didn’t know the answer, I’d head to the library, no professor google back then, and find it out for myself. Although this technique worked well for developing my independence of thought and research skills, it also cost me time, as I wasn’t willing to ask for help when I needed it.
This is why it’s so important to just ask for help when you need it. It saves you time, effort, and overwhelm. Think of how much time you waste mulling over whether you should do something or not. I know I can spend days before making an important decision. While it is good to list out pro’s and con’s for any big decision you are making, don’t over think it. You may end up waiting so long to apply for a job, that the post gets pulled. Or you take so long to respond to a vehicle ad on Facebook that it’s gone by the time you do. Sometimes quick decisions are necessary, and asking for someone else’s opinion can help you get there faster.
What if they say no?
So what if they say no? That is something that we need to be ready for, but as I tell my kids, you definitely won’t get it if you don’t ask. Ask yourself, “why does it bother me if they say no?” Usually, it’s the fear of rejection that makes us not ask. To be honest, rejection is not as bad as we think it is. It may not feel great in the moment, but it’s only a feeling and it will pass. Rejection can often save you from bad unforeseen outcomes. By not being allowed on the flight you wanted, you escape being injured when the plane gets into trouble. Or you may get rejected from the role you really wanted, only to find out that the director abused the actresses he worked with.
Moreover, having someone say no usually isn’t about you, it’s about them. In the context of the reference letters, both were very busy, high profile people. I knew this, so it softened my concerns of them not saying yes. In the end, they both said yes and wrote glowing reference letters that were beyond expectations! By not allowing my doubts to take over, and doing it anyway, I ended up with stellar references. I’m sure I would have received great references from others in my friend groups, but these ones were spectacular and boosted my confidence greatly!
The benefits of just asking?
The benefits of just asking are endless, but here are a few to consider.
- Getting what you want.
- Saving time.
- Building bonds with others.
- Building your confidence and self esteem.
- Breaking through your comfort zone.
Getting what you want.
Obviously, this one is a no brainer. Getting what you want is always very satisfying. It’s about taking the risk and seeing immediate results. My father was famous for replying to whatever we asked with, “we’ll see.” While that wasn’t necessarily a very satisfying answer in the moment, at least he didn’t say no. We knew that it was still a possibility, and that was enough. So when you are on the fence about whether to ask or not, just ask; you’ll be closer to getting what you want than if you didn’t.
Saving time.
Saving time is a great reason to ask for help. We live in a very fast paced age, so getting results faster is always beneficial. Why would you want to spend hours fighting for the answers, when you could get them in 5 minutes? With professor Google at our disposal we don’t have to wait for long. So stop fussing over should I or shouldn’t I? Just ask for help when you need it, so you can move on to more fun things!
Building bonds with others.
When someone says yes to your request, it creates bonds. It’s inevitable. I have great esteem for the two individuals that I asked for a reference. Consequently, when they said yes, my esteem grew even more for them. Even before I received the letters, my respect grew just because they said yes. The last few years have been very psychologically damaging to many of us with all the fear based mandates and restrictions. Being able to trust someone else again, is very healing. Knowing that they care enough to help you, is incredible. It made me feel like the Grinch who’s heart grew three sizes that day, and that feeling is irreplaceable.
Building your confidence and self esteem.
When people say yes to helping you it builds your confidence and self esteem. In regards to the reference letters, it blew me away to see what they wrote about me. I had no idea that was how they viewed me. It was humbling and elevating at the same time. I had the same experience doing a challenge to ask my friends to write 3 things they admired about me. When you are feeling down, I highly recommend doing this.
As scary as it is to ask, the results will astound you! Seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes is revolutionary! I wrote the responses down on one page and reviewed it over the following days. It really boosted my self esteem and helped me out of a very difficult time. If you want more information about the challenge, reach out to me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca and I’ll be happy to help.
Breaking through your comfort zone.
Breaking through your comfort zone is essential to becoming the person God meant you to be. God wants us to live life more abundantly. In John 10:10 NKJV it says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” Jesus is referring to satan, and all the doubt and evil he spreads through the world. Jesus came to save us from this, and provide us with a more abundant life than this world has to offer.
Getting outside our comfort zone and asking for help is essential for us to live this abundant life. We need to ask Jesus for forgiveness, as well as asking others for forgiveness from others we may have hurt. By doing this, you can break through the prison walls that satan wants you to live in. Thinking you aren’t good enough is a self made prison. You can break through this prison by asking for help. Whether it’s help from Jesus, or another mentor or friend, just ask. They will be happy to help you, and see you succeed.
In Conclusion:
Just ask! You may not always receive, but most of the time you will. Just remember, “you get zero percent of what you don’t ask for.” That means the percentage of what you will get from asking is always worth it. Start asking for the small stuff, and that will build your confidence to ask for the bigger things. Before you know it, you’ll have the courage of a lion!!! Either way, it’s more than worth the effort to just ask. Contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca if you would like help in this area and I’ll be happy to help you!
As a natural encourager, I live to help others!!! One-on-one coaching is a great way to start building your confidence, and improve your health! I help people with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness manage their symptoms with ease, so they never feel held back again! Click here for an application form and I would be happy to help you in your journey. Subscribe to my weekly newsletter by clicking here. You can also contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca or check out my website: www.nopainallgain.ca
