What is success to you? Most of us strive to be considered successful by our family and peers. But, what is success? If you interviewed 10 people on the street what success meant to them, you would most likely end up with some very different answers depending on what street you were on. You will probably find that what you think is successful, is not what someone else thinks it is. More importantly, if you don’t know what success means to you, how will you know if you’re successful? Let’s discuss what success really means, and how you can find out what success truly means for you and how to get there.
What is success?
We can only reach success after deciding what that means for us. The Oxford language dictionary defines it as:
1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
With that in mind, do you see yourself as successful? If you asked a someone what success was, do you think that is the answer that they would give you? Probably not. You would probably receive answers like, “someone who is wealthy”, “someone who is a celebrity”, “a great athlete”, or “a great world leader”. Although those people are all very successful in their own right, that list is rather limited. That’s why we’re so shocked when we find out that people in those categories have committed suicide because they didn’t feel successful enough.
So let’s not confuse celebrity and wealth with success. From Oxford’s definition they are obviously not the same things.
How to redefine success?
Now we get to decide what success means to us. To do that you need to have an aim or purpose that you are striving to achieve. So the first thing you need to do is to make a list of things you what to be good at. You can also be successful in many different areas of your life. Here are some examples to consider:
- Being a great Mom or Dad.
- Being a great piano player. (Insert instrument here)
- Being a great athlete.
- Being a great friend.
- Being a great sibling, or child.
- Being a great theologian.
- Being a great human being.
- Being a great philanthropist.
- Being a friend to the poor.
- Being an advocate for justice.
- Being an advocate for freedom.
- Having a happy family.
- Having a welcoming home.
- Being a reliable and trustworthy employer/employee.
- Being a great resource for others in need.
- The list goes on….
You may have noticed that wealthy didn’t make my list, but it may be something you would add to yours. That’s totally ok. I didn’t include wealthy because the pursuit of money can be a slippery slope for some and therefore never feel like they have enough. So if wealthy is something you want to pursue, make sure you define an exact amount of money that you would consider wealthy. If you don’t have a set goal of money you are going after, you will never cross that finish line and consider yourself a success.
This will make you feel miserable, and lower your confidence and self esteem. It will also keep you exhausted on never ending treadmill. What ever your goal or aim is, make sure there is a tangible result you are aiming for, or you will never reach it.
Setting Goals
Once you decide on what success means to you, setting goals is essential to feeling successful. If you’re not good with words or numbers, draw pictures, create a diorama or collage of what success looks like to you. Knowing what success will look like for you, then allows you to set the small goals that will be the stepping stones for you to get there. If you want to be wealthy, you will need to find employment and work your way up.
If you want to be a great parent, what does a great parent look like to you? What do they do that sets them apart? How do you want to interact with your kids? What do you want to provide them with? Once you have all these questions answered, you will be better equipped to be the great parent you envisioned.
Your Success Is Yours!
The greats news is that your definition of success doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s! If your view of success is to travel to every country in the world, then go for it! If your view is to have a family of 10, then go for it. I you want to stay single and rescue cats in third world countries, then go for it! You don’t have to be a millionaire to be a success, living the life you want to live is what makes you a success.
Find out what you find valuable in life and go after it. It needs to be legal of course, but if it resonates deeply in your soul, then go for it. The important thing to remember is that you get to decide what success means to you. This will go a long way to relieving the stress of having to please others. Until recently, I felt the very heavy burden of being a people pleaser. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to make as many people as possible happy, but now it’s on my terms.
The Benefits Of Deciding What Success Means for You!
Here are some benefits:
- Relief of anxiety for not having to achieve what everyone else has.
- Relief of depression for not measuring up to others’ expectations.
- Becoming a recovering perfectionist.
- Becoming a recovering people pleaser.
- Having a job you love instead of loath.
- Experiencing a life others only dream of.
- Being able to pivot easily when unexpected hurdles pop up.
- Being able to change your mind and redefine what success means to you at any time.
- Showing your kids that they can do anything they set their minds to, as long as they don’t give up!
- Experiencing the freedom of setting your own path, and achieving it.
Again this list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea!
In Conclusion:
As mentioned above, I am now a recovering people pleaser. I decided that as long as I was happy with my definition of success, and I had God’s approval, that’s all that mattered. I’m now ok that my version of success is not the same as what family members or friends may be. It has taken a huge pressure off of my life, as I can pursue what makes my heart sing, instead of going after some cookie cutter version of life that society promotes. So don’t settle for what society wants you to believe success to be, decide what you want it to be and go for it!
As a natural encourager, I live to help others!!! One-on-one coaching is a great way to start building your confidence, and improve your health! I help people with Fibromyalgia and chronic illness manage their symptoms with ease, so they never feel held back again! Click here for an application form and I would be happy to help you in your journey. You can also contact me at andrea@nopainallgain.ca or check out my website: www.nopainallgain.ca
